


But I'm Gonna Love You Anyhow

by Blue1iv



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Heartbreak, Love, Love Triangles, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26655340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue1iv/pseuds/Blue1iv
Summary: “Love can never be wrong.” Lafayette’s voice a whisper, barely audible.“Oh yeah?” John whispers, “Prove it.”
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	But I'm Gonna Love You Anyhow

**Author's Note:**

> TW; References to period typical homophobia
> 
> I wrote this a at two in the morning so it's not the best but... here you go, and if the grammar's bad, I'm sorry. I tired

Lafayette and John lay next to each other under the blanket of stars covering the vast field of tall grass and flowers that enclose them. As soon as Lafayette joined the army five years ago he, John and Alexander formed a close bond, always with each other, a trio that couldn’t be separated. The two of them discovered this field one day when Alex was busy with Washington, it was their field. Sometimes when Alex was deep in his work or when John or Laf both needed a break from everything, they would come here and fall asleep under the stars with each other.

John lets out a weighted sigh and Lafayette looks over at the boy he has come to fall in love with over the past three years, his soft jawline, the artwork of freckles on his face, the soft curls on his head. Lafayette knows John from the inside out, he can read John like a book, and so can John with him. His blonde hair and handsome complexion has never failed to attract a beautiful women, or in this case; Lafayette.

Lafayette knows he shouldn’t think of John like this, he knows it wrong. Yet how can something that gives him these many emotions be wrong? How could anyone not fall madly in love with that face? How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

The Frenchman wonders about John, he wonders if his feelings could ever be returned. No matter how many ladies heads turn at the beautiful sight of John, he never thinks to give them so much as a glance. Surely any sane man would think to acknowledge at least one of these pretty women. Maybe he has a wife at home? A lover he is longing to return to. But Lafayette has never heard him speak a word about his family, they remain a mystery to all that know him.

The taller man longs for a life with John. Even if it has to be hidden from the world, just living life with John by his side is all he’ll ever need. They could run away, disappear without a trace, it’s not like Lafayette doesn’t have the money to do so. There would be the thing of having to leave Alexander without so much as a goodbye, but anything is worth it to be with John.

John is once again going on a rant about something, passion in his voice carried by every word, whether it be about the war, his black regiment, or even about something Washington said to them, his full of passion, full of fire. But in a different way as to Alexander. Alexander makes regrettable decisions, John waits, John thinks, and it makes Laf love him even more than he thought was possible.

“Then he had the audacity to question Washington and his power! Imagine what would happen if Washington decided to replace him! Where would he go from there?” John rambles on about yet, another thing that Alexander did.

“Washington would not get rid of Alexandré so easily. He is irreplaceable.” Laf reminds John.

“Damn right he is.” Laurens says, his south Carolinian accent peeking through. He rolls onto his side, now facing the Frenchman, only inches between their faces. Lafayette has never been so aware of Johns every move, every breath. He has to keep himself from going in and kissing John. The fear of rejection being the only thing keeping those urges at bay.

John speaks up once again, a subtle tremble in his voice, as if he’s surprised at what he just said himself.

“How can you be in love with someone for five years?” He asks Lafayette, their eyes interlocking. 

Never before has Lafayette seen John so vulnerable. Just from a few words. One simple question. Who knew it could leave both of them so defenceless?

“Well,” Lafayette thinks about his question, it’s almost as if John read his mind, as if he could sense he was the only thing Lafayette thought of. “I think when you love someone that long, when you can’t stop loving them. That it’s a sign.”

“A sign for what?” John asks, his voice soft.

“That you are meant to be together, mon cher.” Lafayette drops his voice to match Johns, edging forward ever so slightly, leaving their hands millimetres away from touching.

“What happens if,” His voice starts to shake, “You can’t be together?” Lafayette knows that feeling a little too well.

“Who says you can’t be together?” Lafayette asks, although almost certain he knows what John is trying to tell him.

“Everyone. They say it’s wrong. And it is.”

“Love can never be wrong.” Lafayette’s voice a whisper, barely audible.

“Oh yeah?” John whispers, “Prove it.” 

Lafayette can’t resist it anymore, the bond he feels tonight has taken over his body, every thought lead not by his head, but by his heart. 

He goes and kisses John. Only having to move his head forward ever so slightly to close the space in between their lips. The kiss isn’t rushed, it isn’t aggressive, it doesn’t have a sense of urgency about it. It’s slow, and soft, and perfect. Lafayette feels as though he has broken the barrier, his life that he imagined with John is not as far away as he once thought. He feels as though they were made for each other, their lips fitting together effortlessly, almost perfectly in sync with one another.

It’s almost as if they’re soulmates.

The bliss that Lafayette was experience suddenly came to a halt. John tears away from the kiss, his eyes filling up with tears.

“Laf I’m so sorry.” John’s voice shakes and Lafayette’s heart drops, somehow knowing what’s coming next, “But you’re not the one who I love.”

“Because the one you love is Alexandré.” Not a question, but a statement. A fact.

The truth. 

Lafayette feels the tears already falling down his cheeks, unable to stop them.

John doesn’t have to say anything for Lafayette to know he’s right. He sits up and John follows suit.

“I should have known.” The tears keep falling one after another, faster and faster.

“No, Laf, there’s no way you could have known.” John reassures him, Lafayette too blinded by heartbreak to even listen. “I’m sorry.”

“Non, non. Do not blame yourself.” The Frenchman is close to sobbing, he can’t let John see him so helpless. “I- “He tries to conceal a sob. “I think it’s best if I go know.”

“Laf wait!” John cries, but Lafayette is already walking away, tears streaming down his cheeks as the cool breeze attempts to dry them. He bites his lip, trying with all he can to not make a sound. He can’t let anyone know how weak he feels. 

His heart was never the same. He never loved anyone like that ever again. They didn’t meet in their field anymore, they became distant, such a tight friendship slipping away till they became practically strangers. Lafayette’s hope was shattered like his heart. But he never truly stopped loving a certain handsome, blonde, soldier.

**Author's Note:**

> Well...
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you want, talk to me on Tumblr @blue-1iv
> 
> I hope you have a great day <3


End file.
